I'm tired of feeling like shit.
The apartment is a mess. I don't have the energy to clean. It's a struggle just to get off my ass to make something to eat.
I can't exercise, because every time I exert myself (especially when bending over), I get a wicked headache.
I'm always hungry. Even when I'm stuffed, I still feel a drive to eat more. I'm not interested in meat (unless it's succulent, sloppy, fall-off-the-bone barbecue). I want snack cakes, pie, chocolate, soda, candy bars, cake, fruit (not apples, though- too boring), donuts, home-baked white bread, blueberry pancakes with syrup, Puilsbury toaster strudels, banana bread, zucchini bread, cookies, brownies, grilled-stuffed burritos and caramel apple empanadas from Taco Bell, yogurt and smiles. And milk. Lots and lots of milk. Milk by the truckload, hooked to my veins.
I'm also experiencing the pleasures of being chronically and incurably bored and restless.
My boobs hurt, too. They hurt a lot, and are only going to get worse. Until I abort the parasite that is making them hurt, anyway.
I feel all bloated. I have hot flashes. My fingernails are thin and chipping, probably because of this crotchdropping sucking away my body's nutrients. I can't afford to eat a terribly nutritious diet, so I do wish it would leave some nutrients for me. Fucking freeloader. Takes and takes, but gives me nothing but misery in return.
I don't even have a sex drive anymore. I sure did last weekend. But not now. I wish I did. It would make this at least a little pleasant.
It's really not fair. I vaguely wonder if I really pissed someone off in a past life. Here I am, morbidly obese and with insulin resistance and PCOS. I'm supposed to have a hell of a time getting pregnant. I see forums full of women in my boat who try and try and try, only to fail or succeed and then miscarry, time and time again. But me? I get knocked up twice within 2 years! Two fucking years!! Where's my infertility? Where's my miscarriages? Why does shit like this always happen to me?! I don't think I'm a bad person. But my lot in life has made me seriously wonder otherwise.
And do you know what?
I bet it'll happen again. I'd bet money on it. Lots of money. And I bet it'll keep happening until either me or my fiance get fixed.
I hope this abortion renders me infertile. But such good fortune would be uncharacteristic for me.
I won't go back on birth control. That shit's bad news. I won't use spermicides, because those are bad news, too. I won't use the rythm method, because that had a ridiculous failure rate. Not to mention that you have to uber-regular for it to work. And I have a history of being very not regular.
Neem oil has failed me. Finally, after more than a year of failure-free use of neem alone, it has failed. I wonder, though, if it's because I'm using the human-grade stuff since I ran out of the horticulture grade. The Hort-grade smelled a lot stronger, and was a darker color. It seemed more pure and strong. This human grade stuff looks and smells too refined, too weak and "clean". I wonder if it's pasteurized or treated somehow, rendering it less effective. I really think that that must be the case, because neem oil is supposed to be even more effective than birth control pills. That's not to say it can't fail, but I find it odd that I only got pregnant after using this human-grade oil. I just think it's more than a coincidence.
I'm still going to use neem oil, but now I'll use condoms, too.
I can practically hear people scolding me for my "irresponsibility". I can practically hear their disapproval of the fact that I'm having a abortion because I didn't want to use a condom.
Well, sorry folks. I don't need to justify my abortions. I don't want to have a baby. I also hate using condoms. I don't think anyone has a right to scold someone for having an abortion that was the result of little or no protection. I don't care if someone willingly had completely unprotected sex and is now having an abortion. That's their decision, and it doesn't affect you at all, save for maybe bruising your fallacious moral code.
Get over yourselves, people. Human life isn't sacred. We're all animals, just like that steak you ate for dinner last night.
Having said all that, I have to wonder what women find so appealing about being pregnant. Being huge and sick and bloated and uncomfortable and in pain with an appetite that rivals that of an elephant while having all your nutrients sucked away by some uterine parasite for the greater part of a year sounds like hell to me. I think pregnant women who like being pregnant have had their minds warped by the parasite's manipulative hormone called oxytocin.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Irritating Statements From People With Kids
I came across an interesting post on a childfree blog today. The blogger's post game a list of comments that people with kids (breeders) have given them. Here's what I think of the comments.
1. Every woman wants children
Really? I guess the ones who don't aren't real women, are dysfunctional or are deluding themselves.
2. Having children is a natural part of life
Just because something is natural doesn't mean you have to do it. Taking a shit on the ground outside is natural, but if I do it (and get caught) I'll either get arrested or shipped off to the loony bin.
3. Children are the future
They're also the future's bane. They use up limited resources, and give none back. Besides, how can anyone guarantee that kids will make a good future?
4. There’s nothing more important than being called Mummy. Or Daddy or parent.)
There's a lot of things more important- or rather, should be more important. Like the world's various serious problems.
5. It’s different when they’re your own
I wouldn't know, really. Actually, I kind of would. I've been pregnant twice. I've felt nothing positive for the parasite growing inside me.
6. You’ll regret it if you don’t have children
How would they know? Why does some asshole always have to try to speak for everyone?
7. Children are your way of giving back
It's also taking away. See my resources argument.
8. You’ll change your mind when (fill in blank…) you’ll grow out of it
Oh, I harbor personal ire for this one. It is such an invalidating, rude comment. I think that when people say this, they're trying to be inflammatory.
9. You’re missing out on life (if you don’t have children)
You're missing out on life if you do have children. No skydiving or traveling or adventures for you! You're stuck raising kids for 18 years (or longer). Your every motion and every plan revolves around them. You're living purely for someone else. I think these folks probably regret having kids, and think that since they wasted the best years of their lives, that nobody else should have fun, either.
10. Once you have them, you will love them
More speaking for everyone.
11. People who don’t have kids are unloved
Probably the opposite. It seems more likely that people who feel a need for kids are feeling unloved.
12. People who don’t have kids are lonely
Opposite. See above.
13. You don’t leave a legacy if you don’t have kids
Who cares? I'm not going to be alive to witness it, and I'm not so uncomfortable with death or so narcissistic that I must impose my offspring on the world so I can have a false sense of immortality.
14. Your life will be empty without kids
Opposite. See 11 and 12. People who say this are probably projecting (def. #8).
15. Having kids is what you do
It is? Why should I do it? Who are you to tell me I should?
16. You must hate children if you don’t want your own
I do hate children. However, not everyone who doesn't want kids hates them.
17. Not having children is un-natural
I bet nobody would say this to an infertile couple. How is it unnatural, anyway? It's not like the natural order would fall apart if I don't breed. On the contrary, it is human breeding that has destroyed the natural order. In the face of such evidence, I could argue that having children is unnatural.
18. Not having kids is un-Christian
That it may be. However, since human overpopulation is the cause of the world's problems, and Christianity supports overpopulation, then that means I can blame Christians for the world's problems.
19. We are supposed to have children – God says so
God also says that rape is okay, that women are to blame for all sin, that virgins are considered "war booty", that the world was created in six days, that a virgin gave birth to the son of god who was somehow god himself. 'Nuff said.
20. You’re unfulfilled without kids
See numbers 11, 12 and 14.
21. I can’t imagine life without my kids
Well, that's all fine and good for you. But it isn't for me. Some of us can't imagine our lives with kids.
22. Having kids defines you
So does having a luxury car, a Prada bag, a pet, a religion, a McMansion, an iPod and a big screen TV.
23. Having children makes you grow up
No, financial and emotional hardship makes you grow up. Responsibility makes you grow up. And even then, having responsibilities doesn't automatically make you mature. It's how you handle those responsibilities. And some people don't or can't.
24. Not having kids is selfish
Having kids is selfish. See my resources argument.
25. You’re selfish if you don’t want kids
See above.
26. You must hate parents if you don’t like kids
I do hate parents. I hate them for popping out more social, economic and ecological parasites into the already dangerously overpopulated and overused/abused world.
27. Having children makes you a family
No it doesn't. It makes you one person's interpretation of a family.
28. Having a child is the ultimate womanly achievement
Wow, that's pretty misogynistic. I feel bad for any woman who actually believes that her only worth lies in her ability to breed. Anyway, I think that most people who say that are probably reaching really hard to justify something they may really regret.
29. Having a child is the best thing ever
Maybe to you it is, but not to everyone.
30. Nothing is more important than having children
See #4.
31. You’re not contributing to society if you don’t have children
Actually, I am. I'm not imposing another human on society that will just drain resources, both natural and social, until it is finally old enough to start working. The only thing their labor will contribute to is making money for a corporation and paying taxes to fund mostly government programs that don't have social interests at heart. Like war. And you can't replace limited natural resources.
32. You’re not doing your bit if you don’t have children
See above.
33. You’re wasting your life if you don’t have kids
And I say I'm wasting my life if I do. And so are you. What great, fun, socially beneficial or otherwise fulfilling things could you have do if you hadn't had kids?
34. But You’re smart… you’d make great parents
That doesn't mean my child would be smart, or have the same values as me. And no, I wouldn't make a great parent. I wouldn't even make an okay one. At least I'm able to recognize that fact.
35. You’re (fill in appropriate blank with political/religious/racial noun) you ought to have kids
See above. And would you really want to breed simply to outbreed another group? Do you want to create more hateful, xenophobic bigots?
36. You’re letting your family/religion/race/country/planet down if you don’t have kids
See above.
37. It’s a sin not to want kids
See #18 and #19. Lots of things are a sin. Society would be better off it people didn't take the bible so seriously (or better yet, if people rejected religion altogether).
38. You’ll be unhappy if you don’t have kids
I'll be unhappy if I do have kids. And if you say this to me, I suspect that you're secretly unhappy that you had kids.
39. You’re denying your husband children if you don’t want kids
And he'd be forcing me into a miserable situation. Besides, wouldn't it make sense to marry someone who agrees with you on such a crucial aspect of life? If you marry someone who wants kids and you don't, then you've made a big, foolish mistake.
40. You have good jobs, you should have kids
If I have a good job and no kids, I can afford to live in a modest house in a nice place with that beautiful garden and greenhouse I've always wanted. And I can afford to travel to nice places. And I can afford hobbies. And I can afford nice things and healthy food for myself. And medical care. If I have kids, all that gets flushed down the shitter.
41. If you don’t want kids, there’s no point getting married
You mean other than the plethora of tax benefits and rights you gain? And perhaps just the pleasure of sharing a last name?
42. A child makes your life/marriage complete
Maybe for you. For some people, it would ruin it.
43. A child is how you leave your mark on the world
So is writing a book, saving forests, fighting for social and political and environmental change, and building things that benefit the community, like gardens and parks. Your child just sucks resources. It's not very likely that your child will grow up to be anything truly worthy of praise and admiration. It's nice to think they will, because they're your kids, but try to be realistic.
44. Having kids makes you a better/stronger/kinder/selfless/person
So does helping needy people. Probably moreso.
45. But you were meant to have kids!
And who are you to decide this? I'll be the one who decides whether or not I was "meant" to have kids.
46. Children make you happy
No, children make you happy, you selfish slob! Stop projecting.
47. Since you don’t have children you couldn’t possibly understand (fill in kid related issue)
Perhaps not from your POV. But I have been a kid, and I'd like to think that alone makes me qualified to understand, perhaps better than you.
48. The rewards of having children outweigh everything you could possibly imagine
That depends on your standard of "rewards". To me, there are no rewards of having children.
49. Men grow up through having kids
See #23.
50. You’re obviously not cut out to be a parent
You're right. I'm not. That's probably one reason why a lot of childless people are childless. Kudos to those who have the self-knowledge and self-honesty to see that they wouldn't make good parents.
51. If you don’t have children you must be angry and bitter
I am angry and bitter. But probably for much different reasons than what I think you're implying.
52. Raising children is the most important job in the world
A lot of things are more important than raising kids. Like, perhaps, stopping overpopulation, helping the needy, adopting unwanted kids, stopping global warming, and reducing our intake of resources.
53. If you don’t have kids you don’t leave your genes behind
And good riddance! I'm one of the few who believes that my genes are not superior enough to warrant passing on. I have things wrong with me that don't need to be proliferated. The gene pool is polluted enough as it is.
54. Women are programmed to want children
Because we're all mindless robots that are slaves to out hormones and what society tells us, right?
55. Well, you’re getting married. It’s good you’re settling down and having kids
Just because someone get married doesn't mean they are having, or even want, kids.
56. You must have a child… it’s the best feeling in the world!
Maybe to you. But I think the best things in the world are things like sunsets in Jamaica, rainforests in the Pacific Northwest, smoking some good weed, gardening, playing video games and spending quality time with my fiance. Children would render these things impossible or unreasonably difficult to enjoy.
57. We’re just waiting for you to have your own kids
Well stop waiting. It's never going to happen.
58. You don’t know what you’re missing
Yes I do. I'm missing a loss of freedom, 18 years (and 9 months) of misery and hardship, even more chores, and alienation from my fiance.
59. If you don’t want kids, you need a psychiatrist
I think that people who want kids are the ones who need a shrink. I strongly suspect people who choose to breed of having co-dependency issues with a dash of narcissism.
60. Kids are more important than the planet
And yet the planet sustains the lives of everything on it. All humans have managed to do so far is damage, pollute and plunder it.
61. You’re not a real woman unless you have children
There's something wrong with you if you believe this, besides the fact that you're a misogynistic bigot.
62. They can do great things with fertility drugs these days!
Like fuck up your hormones and make you pop out more kids than you wanted or were prepared for to that society has to step in and help you!
63. Your marriage is empty without children
My marriage would be empty with kids. I wouldn't have a moment alone with my husband. The kid would always have to come first.
1. Every woman wants children
Really? I guess the ones who don't aren't real women, are dysfunctional or are deluding themselves.
2. Having children is a natural part of life
Just because something is natural doesn't mean you have to do it. Taking a shit on the ground outside is natural, but if I do it (and get caught) I'll either get arrested or shipped off to the loony bin.
3. Children are the future
They're also the future's bane. They use up limited resources, and give none back. Besides, how can anyone guarantee that kids will make a good future?
4. There’s nothing more important than being called Mummy. Or Daddy or parent.)
There's a lot of things more important- or rather, should be more important. Like the world's various serious problems.
5. It’s different when they’re your own
I wouldn't know, really. Actually, I kind of would. I've been pregnant twice. I've felt nothing positive for the parasite growing inside me.
6. You’ll regret it if you don’t have children
How would they know? Why does some asshole always have to try to speak for everyone?
7. Children are your way of giving back
It's also taking away. See my resources argument.
8. You’ll change your mind when (fill in blank…) you’ll grow out of it
Oh, I harbor personal ire for this one. It is such an invalidating, rude comment. I think that when people say this, they're trying to be inflammatory.
9. You’re missing out on life (if you don’t have children)
You're missing out on life if you do have children. No skydiving or traveling or adventures for you! You're stuck raising kids for 18 years (or longer). Your every motion and every plan revolves around them. You're living purely for someone else. I think these folks probably regret having kids, and think that since they wasted the best years of their lives, that nobody else should have fun, either.
10. Once you have them, you will love them
More speaking for everyone.
11. People who don’t have kids are unloved
Probably the opposite. It seems more likely that people who feel a need for kids are feeling unloved.
12. People who don’t have kids are lonely
Opposite. See above.
13. You don’t leave a legacy if you don’t have kids
Who cares? I'm not going to be alive to witness it, and I'm not so uncomfortable with death or so narcissistic that I must impose my offspring on the world so I can have a false sense of immortality.
14. Your life will be empty without kids
Opposite. See 11 and 12. People who say this are probably projecting (def. #8).
15. Having kids is what you do
It is? Why should I do it? Who are you to tell me I should?
16. You must hate children if you don’t want your own
I do hate children. However, not everyone who doesn't want kids hates them.
17. Not having children is un-natural
I bet nobody would say this to an infertile couple. How is it unnatural, anyway? It's not like the natural order would fall apart if I don't breed. On the contrary, it is human breeding that has destroyed the natural order. In the face of such evidence, I could argue that having children is unnatural.
18. Not having kids is un-Christian
That it may be. However, since human overpopulation is the cause of the world's problems, and Christianity supports overpopulation, then that means I can blame Christians for the world's problems.
19. We are supposed to have children – God says so
God also says that rape is okay, that women are to blame for all sin, that virgins are considered "war booty", that the world was created in six days, that a virgin gave birth to the son of god who was somehow god himself. 'Nuff said.
20. You’re unfulfilled without kids
See numbers 11, 12 and 14.
21. I can’t imagine life without my kids
Well, that's all fine and good for you. But it isn't for me. Some of us can't imagine our lives with kids.
22. Having kids defines you
So does having a luxury car, a Prada bag, a pet, a religion, a McMansion, an iPod and a big screen TV.
23. Having children makes you grow up
No, financial and emotional hardship makes you grow up. Responsibility makes you grow up. And even then, having responsibilities doesn't automatically make you mature. It's how you handle those responsibilities. And some people don't or can't.
24. Not having kids is selfish
Having kids is selfish. See my resources argument.
25. You’re selfish if you don’t want kids
See above.
26. You must hate parents if you don’t like kids
I do hate parents. I hate them for popping out more social, economic and ecological parasites into the already dangerously overpopulated and overused/abused world.
27. Having children makes you a family
No it doesn't. It makes you one person's interpretation of a family.
28. Having a child is the ultimate womanly achievement
Wow, that's pretty misogynistic. I feel bad for any woman who actually believes that her only worth lies in her ability to breed. Anyway, I think that most people who say that are probably reaching really hard to justify something they may really regret.
29. Having a child is the best thing ever
Maybe to you it is, but not to everyone.
30. Nothing is more important than having children
See #4.
31. You’re not contributing to society if you don’t have children
Actually, I am. I'm not imposing another human on society that will just drain resources, both natural and social, until it is finally old enough to start working. The only thing their labor will contribute to is making money for a corporation and paying taxes to fund mostly government programs that don't have social interests at heart. Like war. And you can't replace limited natural resources.
32. You’re not doing your bit if you don’t have children
See above.
33. You’re wasting your life if you don’t have kids
And I say I'm wasting my life if I do. And so are you. What great, fun, socially beneficial or otherwise fulfilling things could you have do if you hadn't had kids?
34. But You’re smart… you’d make great parents
That doesn't mean my child would be smart, or have the same values as me. And no, I wouldn't make a great parent. I wouldn't even make an okay one. At least I'm able to recognize that fact.
35. You’re (fill in appropriate blank with political/religious/racial noun) you ought to have kids
See above. And would you really want to breed simply to outbreed another group? Do you want to create more hateful, xenophobic bigots?
36. You’re letting your family/religion/race/country/planet down if you don’t have kids
See above.
37. It’s a sin not to want kids
See #18 and #19. Lots of things are a sin. Society would be better off it people didn't take the bible so seriously (or better yet, if people rejected religion altogether).
38. You’ll be unhappy if you don’t have kids
I'll be unhappy if I do have kids. And if you say this to me, I suspect that you're secretly unhappy that you had kids.
39. You’re denying your husband children if you don’t want kids
And he'd be forcing me into a miserable situation. Besides, wouldn't it make sense to marry someone who agrees with you on such a crucial aspect of life? If you marry someone who wants kids and you don't, then you've made a big, foolish mistake.
40. You have good jobs, you should have kids
If I have a good job and no kids, I can afford to live in a modest house in a nice place with that beautiful garden and greenhouse I've always wanted. And I can afford to travel to nice places. And I can afford hobbies. And I can afford nice things and healthy food for myself. And medical care. If I have kids, all that gets flushed down the shitter.
41. If you don’t want kids, there’s no point getting married
You mean other than the plethora of tax benefits and rights you gain? And perhaps just the pleasure of sharing a last name?
42. A child makes your life/marriage complete
Maybe for you. For some people, it would ruin it.
43. A child is how you leave your mark on the world
So is writing a book, saving forests, fighting for social and political and environmental change, and building things that benefit the community, like gardens and parks. Your child just sucks resources. It's not very likely that your child will grow up to be anything truly worthy of praise and admiration. It's nice to think they will, because they're your kids, but try to be realistic.
44. Having kids makes you a better/stronger/kinder/selfless/person
So does helping needy people. Probably moreso.
45. But you were meant to have kids!
And who are you to decide this? I'll be the one who decides whether or not I was "meant" to have kids.
46. Children make you happy
No, children make you happy, you selfish slob! Stop projecting.
47. Since you don’t have children you couldn’t possibly understand (fill in kid related issue)
Perhaps not from your POV. But I have been a kid, and I'd like to think that alone makes me qualified to understand, perhaps better than you.
48. The rewards of having children outweigh everything you could possibly imagine
That depends on your standard of "rewards". To me, there are no rewards of having children.
49. Men grow up through having kids
See #23.
50. You’re obviously not cut out to be a parent
You're right. I'm not. That's probably one reason why a lot of childless people are childless. Kudos to those who have the self-knowledge and self-honesty to see that they wouldn't make good parents.
51. If you don’t have children you must be angry and bitter
I am angry and bitter. But probably for much different reasons than what I think you're implying.
52. Raising children is the most important job in the world
A lot of things are more important than raising kids. Like, perhaps, stopping overpopulation, helping the needy, adopting unwanted kids, stopping global warming, and reducing our intake of resources.
53. If you don’t have kids you don’t leave your genes behind
And good riddance! I'm one of the few who believes that my genes are not superior enough to warrant passing on. I have things wrong with me that don't need to be proliferated. The gene pool is polluted enough as it is.
54. Women are programmed to want children
Because we're all mindless robots that are slaves to out hormones and what society tells us, right?
55. Well, you’re getting married. It’s good you’re settling down and having kids
Just because someone get married doesn't mean they are having, or even want, kids.
56. You must have a child… it’s the best feeling in the world!
Maybe to you. But I think the best things in the world are things like sunsets in Jamaica, rainforests in the Pacific Northwest, smoking some good weed, gardening, playing video games and spending quality time with my fiance. Children would render these things impossible or unreasonably difficult to enjoy.
57. We’re just waiting for you to have your own kids
Well stop waiting. It's never going to happen.
58. You don’t know what you’re missing
Yes I do. I'm missing a loss of freedom, 18 years (and 9 months) of misery and hardship, even more chores, and alienation from my fiance.
59. If you don’t want kids, you need a psychiatrist
I think that people who want kids are the ones who need a shrink. I strongly suspect people who choose to breed of having co-dependency issues with a dash of narcissism.
60. Kids are more important than the planet
And yet the planet sustains the lives of everything on it. All humans have managed to do so far is damage, pollute and plunder it.
61. You’re not a real woman unless you have children
There's something wrong with you if you believe this, besides the fact that you're a misogynistic bigot.
62. They can do great things with fertility drugs these days!
Like fuck up your hormones and make you pop out more kids than you wanted or were prepared for to that society has to step in and help you!
63. Your marriage is empty without children
My marriage would be empty with kids. I wouldn't have a moment alone with my husband. The kid would always have to come first.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
HG Annoyance
I was browsing through a forum for women with hyperemesis gravidarum (HG). I'm shocked by all the women who suffer through HG, but continue to keep having kids. They bitch and moan about how miserable it is to have HG (often the whole pregnancy) and how it cost them so much in medical bills, yet they still keep getting pregnant!
If you piss and moan about how much you suffered physically, emotionally and financially while pregnant, only to keep putting yourself through it, you are a drama queen, and you deserve what you get.
Don't want HG again? STOP HAVING KIDS! You make those of us who didn't ask for it look bad!
I came across a comment someplace on that site where a woman expressed that it's a "constant struggle" between her desire to squirt out more kids and her knowledge that going through HG again would be catastrophic to her body....
There should be no contest! Who the hell finds a decision between their life and having another baby a hard one to make?! "Gee, I sure want to have another kid, even if it could kill me this time! Then my husband can be a widower and my children can grow up without their mother and feel abandoned because I just had to have that third baby!" Someone who is that irresponsible and illogical should not be having children! It's things like this that make me support eugenics.
Now, I genuinely feel for a lot of these women, having gone through HG myself, but my sympathy stops where people decide to keep inflicting it upon themselves (and their families), simply because they desire more kids.
News flash, ladies! If you think that the death-wish-inducing torture of HG is worth having more kids, then you need to have them taken from you, and then be required to be given a thorough psychological evaluation!
If a larger family is what they want, then they could have spent the tens of thousands of dollars some of them spent on 9 months of intensive medical care on adopting!
If you piss and moan about how much you suffered physically, emotionally and financially while pregnant, only to keep putting yourself through it, you are a drama queen, and you deserve what you get.
Don't want HG again? STOP HAVING KIDS! You make those of us who didn't ask for it look bad!
I came across a comment someplace on that site where a woman expressed that it's a "constant struggle" between her desire to squirt out more kids and her knowledge that going through HG again would be catastrophic to her body....
There should be no contest! Who the hell finds a decision between their life and having another baby a hard one to make?! "Gee, I sure want to have another kid, even if it could kill me this time! Then my husband can be a widower and my children can grow up without their mother and feel abandoned because I just had to have that third baby!" Someone who is that irresponsible and illogical should not be having children! It's things like this that make me support eugenics.
Now, I genuinely feel for a lot of these women, having gone through HG myself, but my sympathy stops where people decide to keep inflicting it upon themselves (and their families), simply because they desire more kids.
News flash, ladies! If you think that the death-wish-inducing torture of HG is worth having more kids, then you need to have them taken from you, and then be required to be given a thorough psychological evaluation!
If a larger family is what they want, then they could have spent the tens of thousands of dollars some of them spent on 9 months of intensive medical care on adopting!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Pregnant Again
I can't believe this is happening to me again. I suppose that, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew it would happen again. But I don't want to do this again. I'm frightened. Not of having an abortion. Not even so much of simply being pregnant. But of developing hyperemesis again. I don't have the money to treat it. Sure, I suppose I could pay off a costly hospital bill over time, but what of the prescription anti-emetics? The pharmacy won't let me make payments on those. Even the generics are very expensive. I don't get free medical care, thanks to Missouri's governor. Apparently $7000 a year is way too much to qualify. Nevermind the fact that I'm living at over 100% of the poverty level.
There is some good news in all this. I caught it early- my period isn't even due yet. My parents are paying for the abortion. And Planned Parenthood has knocked the price down to $270, IV sedation and all, due to my financial situation. At least somebody out there is looking out for poor women. Goodness knows the state is of absolutely no help. Apparently, I can die of organ failure or esophageal rupture for all they care, simply because I'm not one of the elite cocksuckers who can afford medical care and prescriptions.
A first-trimester abortion at PP is normally $400, $500 with IV sedation. For the life of me, I can't understand who wouldn't want the sedation. The procedure isn't terribly painful or scary or traumatizing, but the idea that someone is jabbing needles and blunt objects into my cervix and uterus makes me a little nervous. As it would with anyone, I assume.
The last time I found out I was pregnant, I was already more than a month along, having had a period while pregnant (which is very rare). I developed hyperemesis at about 7 weeks. I'm not letting it go that far this time. Anyway, if I do end up with it, buying a sack of weed ($50) would be easier and cheaper. If I got hyperemesis, I'd likely only have to deal with it for a few days. Since I don't have a tolerance, a half ounce of weed would last me at least a few days if I were only smoking it to control nausea. Don't know if I'd be able to get any weed, but I'd damn well try. Besides, when you're knocked up and you REALLY don't want to be, it's nice to have something to take your mind off of it.
I'm glad I caught it so early this time, and a little surprised. The symptoms were odd. They included mild depression, restlessness, lethargy and fatigue, diarrhea and constipation, a huge outbreak of cold sores that are just starting to heal, irritability, mood swings and cravings. Also, my sense of smell seems to have intensified just barely (for now), and my nipples are getting sore. Definitely NOT PMS symptoms. Also, I never wound up "nesting", you know, that irresistible urge to clean everything in your path close to your period?
When I sat and thought about these things, I decided to take a couple pregnancy tests. The positive line on both tests are faint, but very definitely there. And faint lines are always a positive.
So yeah. I'm pregnant again. Yay. I'm getting back on birth control. I don't like the risks or the fact that it's harder to lose weight, but neem oil alone has failed me. Until I can get a tubal or my fiance can get a vasectomy, I'm taking birth control. I'm tired of being afraid, and I don't want to do this a third time. Twice is already too much.
There is some good news in all this. I caught it early- my period isn't even due yet. My parents are paying for the abortion. And Planned Parenthood has knocked the price down to $270, IV sedation and all, due to my financial situation. At least somebody out there is looking out for poor women. Goodness knows the state is of absolutely no help. Apparently, I can die of organ failure or esophageal rupture for all they care, simply because I'm not one of the elite cocksuckers who can afford medical care and prescriptions.
A first-trimester abortion at PP is normally $400, $500 with IV sedation. For the life of me, I can't understand who wouldn't want the sedation. The procedure isn't terribly painful or scary or traumatizing, but the idea that someone is jabbing needles and blunt objects into my cervix and uterus makes me a little nervous. As it would with anyone, I assume.
The last time I found out I was pregnant, I was already more than a month along, having had a period while pregnant (which is very rare). I developed hyperemesis at about 7 weeks. I'm not letting it go that far this time. Anyway, if I do end up with it, buying a sack of weed ($50) would be easier and cheaper. If I got hyperemesis, I'd likely only have to deal with it for a few days. Since I don't have a tolerance, a half ounce of weed would last me at least a few days if I were only smoking it to control nausea. Don't know if I'd be able to get any weed, but I'd damn well try. Besides, when you're knocked up and you REALLY don't want to be, it's nice to have something to take your mind off of it.
I'm glad I caught it so early this time, and a little surprised. The symptoms were odd. They included mild depression, restlessness, lethargy and fatigue, diarrhea and constipation, a huge outbreak of cold sores that are just starting to heal, irritability, mood swings and cravings. Also, my sense of smell seems to have intensified just barely (for now), and my nipples are getting sore. Definitely NOT PMS symptoms. Also, I never wound up "nesting", you know, that irresistible urge to clean everything in your path close to your period?
When I sat and thought about these things, I decided to take a couple pregnancy tests. The positive line on both tests are faint, but very definitely there. And faint lines are always a positive.
So yeah. I'm pregnant again. Yay. I'm getting back on birth control. I don't like the risks or the fact that it's harder to lose weight, but neem oil alone has failed me. Until I can get a tubal or my fiance can get a vasectomy, I'm taking birth control. I'm tired of being afraid, and I don't want to do this a third time. Twice is already too much.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
A Great Post...
Albeit and old one- from Demonbaby.com. I'll just post a portion, to whet your palate.
It's fucking brilliant and true.
"On the Subjects of Normal People, My Hatred of Sports, and Harvesting Paris Hilton's Organs"
"I hate hate hate sports bars, largely because I hate the people who inhabit them: I affectionately refer to them as "normal people." You know the ones. You might be one. There are millions and millions of them. Bland, uncreative, worker bee types who demand little from life and receive little in return. People who sit in a cubicle all day only to come home to sit in front of their television. Who live their lives vicariously through sitcom characters. Who watch "Everybody Loves Raymond" and laugh because the laugh track tells them it's funny. People who have no use for art. Who like music that the radio tells them is good, and listen to it quietly in the background. Big Dave Matthews fans, or whatever else is safe and pleasant. Nothing too challenging. People who wear the same clothes as everyone else. Mall shoppers. The Gap. Old Navy. Chain restaurants. SUVs. People Magazine. Suits. Ties. Stock reports. The status quo. Nine to five. Monday through Friday. Suburbia. Golf. People who open a newspaper and reach for the sports page first. People who are the most excited and alive when watching a complete stranger kick a ball over a line on television. Empty vessels, waiting to be told what to do. TV will tell you what's entertaining. The radio will tell you what good music is. Advertisements will tell you what you want. The mall will tell you what to wear. Society will tell you how to live your life. Go to college, get a stable job, sit at a desk, sit in traffic, sit in front of the TV, sleep, have some coffee, sit down and read the sports page, sit in traffic, have some more coffee, sit at a desk, repeat, repeat, repeat, retire, die. No variance. No risks. No creativity. No personality. Never deviate from the norm. Never dig beneath the surface. Nothing dangerous or unusual. Caffeinated faux-happiness. Comfort. Stability. Consistency. Repetition. Blandness. Just a straight line. A flat line. And then you're dead."It's fucking brilliant and true.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I'm So Sick of This Shit
I've been in a terrible mood lately. Some fucking Korean organic mushrooms made me fucking sick. We're dangling by a thread over the chasm of pennilessness. The price of everything is going up and up and up with no end in sight. I'm sick of hearing some self-declared economist fucktards saying that we were paying too little in the first place. If anyone ever tells me that shit to my face, they'll be picking teeth out of the back of their throat. My long-term dream and goal of a house and a garden in the beautiful northwest is crumbling before my eyes. If I happen to get pregnant again, there is no way in hell that I can afford an abortion. An ever-increasing portion of my fiance's weekly paycheck is going toward fucking gasoline. We were receiving some parental assistance, but not anymore, leaving us both in an uncomfortable situation.
Every goddamn night on the news I hear of rising gas prices, rising food prices, truckers protesting, Wall Street crooks lying through their teeth, crop failures, rationing, food shortages and all-around economic chaos. Everyone keeps bitching about the "struggling middle class" while turning their noses up at the people who are really hurting- the poor. And all the while they shop and go to college, buy McMansions and buy useless stuff for their fat, spoiled kids. I can't afford half of the shit they can, and they have the audacity to complain that they're "becoming the new lower class"! Even if that were true, where would that leave the real lower class? In cardboard boxes? I'm so fucking sick of being treated like a lost cause because I wasn't fortunate!
I can't stand McCain or Obama. They're both fucking liars. I don't like having to choose between a person who wishes to take away my right to keep and bear arms and a person who wishes to take away my right to an abortion and wishes to further tear down the separation of church and state. Neither of them will do shit to help the poor people of this country. They're both cocksuckers with money that pander to other cocksuckers with money. The rest of us just get stepped on.
I feel hateful and bitter when I see people that have all the things I always dreamed of- some semblance of financial and health security, enough money to have an adventure here and there, a garden and a nice modest home in a nice modest place. I see assholes on game shows winning buku fucking bucks and I sit and go through a mental list of all the things I'd do with that money. Like put my fiance through college, move the fuck out of this polluted wasteland known as "the Midwest", build a modest home, make a garden, grow my own produce, take a vacation and save the rest, hopefully drawing interest. All the while, I imagine what the retard on TV is probably going to do with it. Buy a Hummer, buy a McMansion, a top-of-the-line entertainment center with a big-screen TV, travel the world and eat out at expensive restaurants.
I'm angry because I'm jealous, you say? Damn skippy I'm jealous!
I'm sitting here watching the local news, and they're talking about synchronized swimming lessons. I want to do that shit. But I can't afford a fucking pool membership, let alone lessons. Two months ago, I would have been able to. But not anymore.
I'm so fucking stressed out. I feel like I'm going to have an motherfucking meltdown before the month is over. The ever-increasing threat of being completely broke is enough to make me want to sell my animals and pawn off my game systems, games, computer and exercise bike.
Every goddamn night on the news I hear of rising gas prices, rising food prices, truckers protesting, Wall Street crooks lying through their teeth, crop failures, rationing, food shortages and all-around economic chaos. Everyone keeps bitching about the "struggling middle class" while turning their noses up at the people who are really hurting- the poor. And all the while they shop and go to college, buy McMansions and buy useless stuff for their fat, spoiled kids. I can't afford half of the shit they can, and they have the audacity to complain that they're "becoming the new lower class"! Even if that were true, where would that leave the real lower class? In cardboard boxes? I'm so fucking sick of being treated like a lost cause because I wasn't fortunate!
I can't stand McCain or Obama. They're both fucking liars. I don't like having to choose between a person who wishes to take away my right to keep and bear arms and a person who wishes to take away my right to an abortion and wishes to further tear down the separation of church and state. Neither of them will do shit to help the poor people of this country. They're both cocksuckers with money that pander to other cocksuckers with money. The rest of us just get stepped on.
I feel hateful and bitter when I see people that have all the things I always dreamed of- some semblance of financial and health security, enough money to have an adventure here and there, a garden and a nice modest home in a nice modest place. I see assholes on game shows winning buku fucking bucks and I sit and go through a mental list of all the things I'd do with that money. Like put my fiance through college, move the fuck out of this polluted wasteland known as "the Midwest", build a modest home, make a garden, grow my own produce, take a vacation and save the rest, hopefully drawing interest. All the while, I imagine what the retard on TV is probably going to do with it. Buy a Hummer, buy a McMansion, a top-of-the-line entertainment center with a big-screen TV, travel the world and eat out at expensive restaurants.
I'm angry because I'm jealous, you say? Damn skippy I'm jealous!
I'm sitting here watching the local news, and they're talking about synchronized swimming lessons. I want to do that shit. But I can't afford a fucking pool membership, let alone lessons. Two months ago, I would have been able to. But not anymore.
I'm so fucking stressed out. I feel like I'm going to have an motherfucking meltdown before the month is over. The ever-increasing threat of being completely broke is enough to make me want to sell my animals and pawn off my game systems, games, computer and exercise bike.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Yet Another Abortion Rant
I've noticed a pattern. Whenever I get bored, I get angry about something. Today, I occupied myself by Googling "abortion is [insert adjective here]". Well, every time I read about abortion, I think of something else to say about it.
In this case, I read an anti-choicer yammering on about how women with unplanned pregnancies have "Other Options".
Don't they think that women considering abortion know there are other options? That they have considered them? Obviously, if she thought that giving it up for adoption was best, she would have done so. If a woman chooses abortion, she obviously feels that it's what's best.
It irritates me to no end how the anti-choicers and the fence sitters act like women considering abortion are dumb, irresponsible children that need to be reminded that "there are other options". Maybe she just doesn't want to be pregnant! Have you ever thought of that, Miss Bigot McReligiouspants?
I was watching some videos on YouTube earlier, as well. I came across a series of old anti-choice videos that looked like one of those "educational" videos you would see in high school. It was called "The Silent Scream". It's pretty much just what it sounds like. After much attempted guilt-tripping and fetus-humanizing (parts 1 & 2), they showed a video of an an abortion (part 3) on an ultrasound. They said the fetus was 12 weeks, but I don't believe that could be true. For one thing, it was too big. At 12 weeks, a fetus is only about 2 inches long. It was also too developed. The "doctor" narrating the video tried to show us where the head was, where th body was, where the ribs and spine were, sucking it's thumb. Sorry, folks. But thumb sucking doesn't happen until 14 weeks or later. Anyway, I couldn't make out any of those things. And that's what they want. They want you to put your trust in the "doctor" and say, "well, if he says that's what it is, it must be true. He's a doctor, afterall."
Then they showed the suction tube being inserted and poking the fetus. At this point, the "doctor" said that the fetus was trying to get away from it, but I (and a slew of others) think it looked like it was really just being jostled around. These people are notorious for skewing and lying about "evidence". I mean, look at those gory images of mutilated infants they show outside of clinics. That's not a fetus. It is certainly not an abortion within legal time constraints. That is a fully developed baby.
Then they showed the fetus's head being "crushed with forceps" to remove it from the uterus.
Now wait a minute! Forceps? For a 12 week pregnancy? I had an abortion. I saw the instruments they used. There were no forceps. A real 12 week pregnancy is quite simply too small to warrant skull-crushing. I'm not denying that this was a real abortion. I'm saying they lied about how far along the pregnancy was to help make it seem as gruesome as they could.
Then they went on about some secret language (part 2 of the series) between the abortion doctor and the anesthesiologist. Funny... The doctor never said a word the whole time except to inform me when he was going to insert the tube, and to tell me when he was finished. I was sedated, but I was by no means "out of it". I was perfectly aware of everything, and still remember very clearly. There was just no anxiety.
And of course, the "doctor" pointed out the fetus's mouth opening in a "silent scream" as it was being aborted on the ultrasound. I sure couldn't tell. If I can't even tell which end of the nearly shapeless image is the head, how am I supposed to see it opening it's mouth? That's because it's bullshit. All of it. And anyone who would buy into such obvious propaganda is a gullible moron of the highest order.
In this case, I read an anti-choicer yammering on about how women with unplanned pregnancies have "Other Options".
Don't they think that women considering abortion know there are other options? That they have considered them? Obviously, if she thought that giving it up for adoption was best, she would have done so. If a woman chooses abortion, she obviously feels that it's what's best.
It irritates me to no end how the anti-choicers and the fence sitters act like women considering abortion are dumb, irresponsible children that need to be reminded that "there are other options". Maybe she just doesn't want to be pregnant! Have you ever thought of that, Miss Bigot McReligiouspants?
I was watching some videos on YouTube earlier, as well. I came across a series of old anti-choice videos that looked like one of those "educational" videos you would see in high school. It was called "The Silent Scream". It's pretty much just what it sounds like. After much attempted guilt-tripping and fetus-humanizing (parts 1 & 2), they showed a video of an an abortion (part 3) on an ultrasound. They said the fetus was 12 weeks, but I don't believe that could be true. For one thing, it was too big. At 12 weeks, a fetus is only about 2 inches long. It was also too developed. The "doctor" narrating the video tried to show us where the head was, where th body was, where the ribs and spine were, sucking it's thumb. Sorry, folks. But thumb sucking doesn't happen until 14 weeks or later. Anyway, I couldn't make out any of those things. And that's what they want. They want you to put your trust in the "doctor" and say, "well, if he says that's what it is, it must be true. He's a doctor, afterall."
Then they showed the suction tube being inserted and poking the fetus. At this point, the "doctor" said that the fetus was trying to get away from it, but I (and a slew of others) think it looked like it was really just being jostled around. These people are notorious for skewing and lying about "evidence". I mean, look at those gory images of mutilated infants they show outside of clinics. That's not a fetus. It is certainly not an abortion within legal time constraints. That is a fully developed baby.
Then they showed the fetus's head being "crushed with forceps" to remove it from the uterus.
Now wait a minute! Forceps? For a 12 week pregnancy? I had an abortion. I saw the instruments they used. There were no forceps. A real 12 week pregnancy is quite simply too small to warrant skull-crushing. I'm not denying that this was a real abortion. I'm saying they lied about how far along the pregnancy was to help make it seem as gruesome as they could.
Then they went on about some secret language (part 2 of the series) between the abortion doctor and the anesthesiologist. Funny... The doctor never said a word the whole time except to inform me when he was going to insert the tube, and to tell me when he was finished. I was sedated, but I was by no means "out of it". I was perfectly aware of everything, and still remember very clearly. There was just no anxiety.
And of course, the "doctor" pointed out the fetus's mouth opening in a "silent scream" as it was being aborted on the ultrasound. I sure couldn't tell. If I can't even tell which end of the nearly shapeless image is the head, how am I supposed to see it opening it's mouth? That's because it's bullshit. All of it. And anyone who would buy into such obvious propaganda is a gullible moron of the highest order.
Rampant Disrespect and the Law
I was reading an old post at Violent Acres and came across this (emphasis mine):
"I, myself, have not been in a physical fight in almost 16 years and to this day, biting my lip and walking away when someone gets a little too disrespectful for my liking is one of the hardest things I barely manage to accomplish."
I think that's the problem.
People wouldn't be so quick to be disrespectful if you were legally able to beat them up for it. It's when people disrespect others with no fear of punishment that there's a problem.
"I, myself, have not been in a physical fight in almost 16 years and to this day, biting my lip and walking away when someone gets a little too disrespectful for my liking is one of the hardest things I barely manage to accomplish."
I think that's the problem.
People wouldn't be so quick to be disrespectful if you were legally able to beat them up for it. It's when people disrespect others with no fear of punishment that there's a problem.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
White Meat Sucks Ass!
What is it with Americans' obsession with white meat?
"Made with juicy, all white meat chicken!"
"Pork, the other white meat!"
"100% real white meat!"
Firstly, using the terms juicy and white meat together is an oxymoron. The only time white meat is "juicy" is when it's raw and bloody, so stop deluding yourselves!
Secondly, white meat is nothing special. It is about the blandest, most boring, flavorless, stringy meat I've ever had the displeasure of choking down. It's tough and requires more chewing than I care to do with something so nasty. And it's so dry that it soaks up all the moisture in your mouth. You need to down a cup of water with every bite just to get it to go down semi-comfortably.
Growing up, I learned the value of flavorful, succulent dark meat. Especially in chicken and turkey. Since my mother loved dark meat and my father loved white, I was accustomed to the option of having both. After I tried each, I just naturally took to the more obvious choice.
I have to wonder if many kids have that choice. Everything is all "chicken breast" this and "turkey breast" that. Blech!
Unlike dark meat, don't bother trying to get white meat to soak up flavor. It doesn't happen. I've lost count of all the times I've tried to make chicken or turkey breast or pork flavorful, juicy and tender, only to realize that my efforts were in vain. Every. Fucking. Time.
I don't think that anything short of a sulfuric acid bath could tenderize that garbage.
I can certainly comprehend the dietary merits of white meat, seeing as how it's got a pretty good calorie/fat/protein ratio (so long as it's boiled). But really, there are better, more palatable options. All you have to do is look for them.
I'd rather chew a boot than eat white meat.
"Made with juicy, all white meat chicken!"
"Pork, the other white meat!"
"100% real white meat!"
Firstly, using the terms juicy and white meat together is an oxymoron. The only time white meat is "juicy" is when it's raw and bloody, so stop deluding yourselves!
Secondly, white meat is nothing special. It is about the blandest, most boring, flavorless, stringy meat I've ever had the displeasure of choking down. It's tough and requires more chewing than I care to do with something so nasty. And it's so dry that it soaks up all the moisture in your mouth. You need to down a cup of water with every bite just to get it to go down semi-comfortably.
Growing up, I learned the value of flavorful, succulent dark meat. Especially in chicken and turkey. Since my mother loved dark meat and my father loved white, I was accustomed to the option of having both. After I tried each, I just naturally took to the more obvious choice.
I have to wonder if many kids have that choice. Everything is all "chicken breast" this and "turkey breast" that. Blech!
Unlike dark meat, don't bother trying to get white meat to soak up flavor. It doesn't happen. I've lost count of all the times I've tried to make chicken or turkey breast or pork flavorful, juicy and tender, only to realize that my efforts were in vain. Every. Fucking. Time.
I don't think that anything short of a sulfuric acid bath could tenderize that garbage.
I can certainly comprehend the dietary merits of white meat, seeing as how it's got a pretty good calorie/fat/protein ratio (so long as it's boiled). But really, there are better, more palatable options. All you have to do is look for them.
I'd rather chew a boot than eat white meat.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Whatever Happened to Thank You?
Just the other day, my fiance went to Target to buy a new belt because his old one had broken. It was a "designer" name brand, yet it lasted less than a year. However, let me tell you from experience that "designer" or "name brand" doesn't always mean "good quality".
Well, the new one was a piece of shit, too. It was one of those clamp-buckle ones, not one with holes. The buckle wouldn't stay closed. He's not fat by any stretch, and the belt was not too tight or too small. It was quite simply just a $15 piece of shit.
So, of course, he returned it. When he went back to pick out a better one, there was some old cunt there looking at one of the same crappy belts he'd just returned. He politely warned her about them.
Instead of being grateful for the helpful info, she said, "Mmm hmm. I bet you don't back down."
What the fuck?! What does that even mean? It sure as fuck isn't thank you!
You'd think that someone would be glad for info like that, because it would keep them from having to waste their time and money returning it to the store.
You know, if this is the result of trying to be helpful, then fuck everybody. If you're going to be an asshole when someone tries to be nice, then fuck you. You can sit on your middle finger and rotate. Pretty soon, there won't be any kindness left in this world at all, because everyone will be turned off from it by rudeness.
Well, the new one was a piece of shit, too. It was one of those clamp-buckle ones, not one with holes. The buckle wouldn't stay closed. He's not fat by any stretch, and the belt was not too tight or too small. It was quite simply just a $15 piece of shit.
So, of course, he returned it. When he went back to pick out a better one, there was some old cunt there looking at one of the same crappy belts he'd just returned. He politely warned her about them.
Instead of being grateful for the helpful info, she said, "Mmm hmm. I bet you don't back down."
What the fuck?! What does that even mean? It sure as fuck isn't thank you!
You'd think that someone would be glad for info like that, because it would keep them from having to waste their time and money returning it to the store.
You know, if this is the result of trying to be helpful, then fuck everybody. If you're going to be an asshole when someone tries to be nice, then fuck you. You can sit on your middle finger and rotate. Pretty soon, there won't be any kindness left in this world at all, because everyone will be turned off from it by rudeness.
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